Audition Sides -
Much Ado
About Nothing
Note: these sides are taken from the folio text so the spelling is a little unfamiliar.

 The letter "u" is printed as the letter "v" (so, for instance, "loue" for "love") and vice versa (so "euer" for "ever").
 

Much Adoe About Nothing - Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick
Pedr. What secret hath held you here, that you followed not to Leonatoes?
Bened. I would your Grace would constraine mee to tell
Pedro. I charge thee on thy allegeance
Ben. You heare, Count Claudio, I can be secret as a dumbe man, I would haue you thinke so (but on my allegiance, marke you this, on my allegiance) hee is in loue, With who? now that is your Graces part: marke how short his answere is, with Hero, Leonatoes short daughter
Clau. If this were so, so were it vttred
Bened. Like the old tale, my Lord, it is not so, nor 'twas not so: but indeede, God forbid it should be so
Clau. If my passion change not shortly, God forbid it should be otherwise
Pedro. Amen, if you loue her, for the Ladie is verie well worthie|
Clau. You speake this to fetch me in, my Lord
Pedr. By my troth I speake my thought
Clau. And in faith, my Lord, I spoke mine
Bened. And by my two faiths and troths, my Lord, I speake mine
Clau. That I loue her, I feele
Pedr. That she is worthie, I know
Bened. That I neither feele how shee should be loued, nor know how shee should be worthie, is the opinion that fire cannot melt out of me, I will die in it at the stake
Pedr. Thou wast euer an obstinate heretique in the despight of Beautie
Clau. And neuer could maintaine his part, but in the force of his will
Ben. That a woman conceiued me, I thanke her: that she brought mee vp, I likewise giue her most humble thankes: but that I will haue a rechate winded in my forehead, or hang my bugle in an inuisible baldricke, all women shall pardon me: because I will not do them the wrong to mistrust any, I will doe my selfe the right to trust none: and the fine is, (for the which I may goe the finer) I will liue a Batchellor
Pedro. I shall see thee ere I die, looke pale with loue.

Much Adoe About Nothing - Don John, Conrade, Borachio
Enter Sir Iohn the Bastard, and Conrade his companion.
Con. You should heare reason
Iohn. And when I haue heard it, what blessing bringeth it?
Con. If not a present remedy, yet a patient sufferance
Ioh. I wonder that thou (being as thou saist thou art, borne vnder Saturne) goest about to apply a morall medicine, to a mortifying mischiefe: I cannot hide what I am: I must bee sad when I haue cause, and smile at no mans iests, eat when I haue stomacke, and wait for no mans leisure: sleepe when I am drowsie, and tend on no mans businesse, laugh when I am merry, and claw no man in his humor
Con. Yea, but you must not make the ful show of this, till you may doe it without controllment, you haue of late stood out against your brother, and hee hath tane you newly into his grace, where it is impossible you should take root, but by the faire weather that you make your selfe, it is needful that you frame the season for your owne haruest
Iohn. I had rather be a canker in a hedge, then a rose in his grace, and it better fits my bloud to be disdain'd of all, then to fashion a carriage to rob loue from any: in this (though I cannot be said to be a flattering honest man) it must not be denied but I am a plaine dealing villaine, I am trusted with a mussell, and enfranchisde with a clog, therefore I haue decreed, not to sing in my cage: if I had my mouth, I would bite: if I had my liberty, I would do my liking: in the meane time, let me be that I am, and seeke not to alter me
Con. Can you make no vse of your discontent?
Iohn. I will make all vse of it, for I vse it onely.  Who comes here? what newes Borachio?
Enter Borachio.
Bor. I came yonder from a great supper, the Prince your brother is royally entertained by Leonato, and I can giue you intelligence of an intended marriage
Iohn. Will it serue for any Modell to build mischiefe on? What is hee for a foole that betrothes himselfe to vnquietnesse?
Bor. Mary it is your brothers right hand
Iohn. Who, the most exquisite Claudio?
Bor. Euen he
Iohn. A proper squier, and who, and who, which way lookes he?
Bor. Mary on Hero, the daughter and Heire of Leonato
Iohn. A very forward March-chicke, how came you to this:
Bor. Being entertain'd for a perfumer, as I was smoaking a musty roome, comes me the Prince and Claudio, hand in hand in sad conference: I whipt behind the Arras, and there heard it agreed vpon, that the Prince should wooe Hero for himselfe, and hauing obtain'd her, giue her to Count Claudio
Iohn. Come, come, let vs thither, this may proue food to my displeasure, that young start-vp hath all the glorie of my ouerthrow: if I can crosse him any way, I blesse my selfe euery way, you are both sure, and will assist mee?
Conr. To the death my Lord.

Much Adoe About Nothing - Beatrice, Benedick
Ben. If Signior Leonato be her father, she would not haue his head on her shoulders for al Messina, as like him as she is
Beat. I wonder that you will still be talking, signior Benedicke, no body markes you
Ben. What my deere Ladie Disdaine! are you yet liuing?
Beat. Is it possible Disdaine should die, while shee hath such meete foode to feede it, as Signior Benedicke? Curtesie it selfe must conuert to Disdaine, if you come in her presence
Bene. Then is curtesie a turne-coate, but it is certaine I am loued of all Ladies, onely you excepted: and I would I could finde in my heart that I had not a hard heart, for truely I loue none
Beat. A deere happinesse to women, they would else haue beene troubled with a pernitious Suter, I thanke God and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that, I had rather heare my Dog barke at a Crow, than a man sweare he loues me
Bene. God keepe your Ladiship still in that minde, so some Gentleman or other shall scape a predestinate scratcht face
Beat. Scratching could not make it worse, and 'twere such a face as yours were
Bene. Well, you are a rare Parrat teacher
Beat. A bird of my tongue, is better than a beast of your
Ben. I would my horse had the speed of your tongue, and so good a continuer, but keepe your way a Gods name, I haue done
Beat. You alwaies end with a Iades tricke, I know you of old

Much Adoe About Nothing - Benedick
Bene. O she misusde me past the indurance of a block:
an oake but with one greene leafe on it, would haue answered
her: my very visor began to assume life, and scold
with her: shee told mee, not thinking I had beene my
selfe, that I was the Princes Iester, and that I was duller
then a great thaw, hudling iest vpon iest, with such impossible
conueiance vpon me, that I stood like a man at a
marke, with a whole army shooting at me: shee speakes
poynyards, and euery word stabbes: if her breath were
as terrible as terminations, there were no liuing neere
her, she would infect to the north starre: I would not
marry her, though she were indowed with all that Adam
had left him before he transgrest, she would haue made
Hercules haue turnd spit, yea, and haue cleft his club to
make the fire too: come, talke not of her, you shall finde
her the infernall Ate in good apparell. I would to God
some scholler would coniure her, for certainely while she
is heere, a man may liue as quiet in hell, as in a sanctuary,
and people sinne vpon purpose, because they would goe
thither, so indeed all disquiet, horror, and perturbation
followes her.

Much Adoe About Nothing - Beatrice
Note: Stage Manager or other will read italics

Beatrice. What should I doe with him? dresse him in my apparell, and make him my waiting gentlewoman? He that hath a beard, is more then a youth: and he that hath no beard, is lesse then a man: and hee that is more then a youth, is not for mee: and he that is lesse then a man, I am not for him: therefore I will euen take sixepence in earnest of the Berrord, and leade his Apes into hell
[Leon. Well then, goe you into hell]
Beat. No, but to the gate, and there will the Deuill meete mee like an old Cuckold with hornes on his head, and say, get you to heauen Beatrice, get you to heauen, heere's no place for you maids, so deliuer I vp my Apes, and away to S[aint]. Peter: for the heauens, hee shewes mee where the Batchellers sit, and there liue wee as merry as the day is long
[Brother. Well neece, I trust you will be rul'd by your father]
Beatrice. Yes faith, it is my cosens dutie to make curtsie, and say, as it please you: but yet for all that cosin, let him be a handsome fellow, or else make an other cursie, and say, father, as it please me
[Leonato. Well neece, I hope to see you one day fitted with a husband]
Beatrice. Not till God make men of some other mettall then earth, would it not grieue a woman to be ouermastred with a peece of valiant dust: to make account of her life to a clod of waiward marle? no vnckle, ile none: Adams sonnes are my brethren, and truly I hold it a sinne to match in my kinred

Much Adoe About Nothing - Hero, Ursula

Hero. Now Vrsula, when Beatrice doth come, 

As we do trace this alley vp and downe,

Our talke must onely be of Benedicke,

When I doe name him, let it be thy part,

To praise him more then euer man did merit,

My talke to thee must be how Benedicke

Is sicke in loue with Beatrice; of this matter,

Is little Cupids crafty arrow made,

That onely wounds by heare-say: now begin,

Enter Beatrice.

For looke where Beatrice like a Lapwing runs

Close by the ground, to heare our conference

Vrs. The pleasant'st angling is to see the fish

Cut with her golden ores the siluer streame,

And greedily deuoure the treacherous baite:

So angle we for Beatrice, who euen now,

Is couched in the wood-bine couerture,

Feare you not my part of the Dialogue

Her. Then go we neare her that her eare loose nothing,

Of the false sweete baite that we lay for it:

No truely Vrsula, she is too disdainfull,

I know her spirits are as coy and wilde,

As Haggerds of the rocke

Vrsula. But are you sure,

That Benedicke loues Beatrice so intirely?

Her. So saies the Prince, and my new trothed Lord

Vrs. And did they bid you tell her of it, Madam?

Her. They did intreate me to acquaint her of it,

But I perswaded them, if they lou'd Benedicke,

To wish him wrastle with affection,

And neuer to let Beatrice know of it

Vrsula. Why did you so, doth not the Gentleman

Deserue as full as fortunate a bed,

As euer Beatrice shall couch vpon?

Hero. O God of loue! I know he doth deserue,

As much as may be yeelded to a man:

But Nature neuer fram'd a womans heart,

Of prowder stuffe then that of Beatrice:

Disdaine and Scorne ride sparkling in her eyes,

Mis-prizing what they looke on, and her wit

Values it selfe so highly, that to her

All matter else seemes weake: she cannot loue,

Nor take no shape nor proiect of affection,

Shee is so selfe indeared

Vrsula. Sure I thinke so,

And therefore certainely it were not good

She knew his loue, lest she make sport at it

Hero. Why you speake truth, I neuer yet saw man,

How wise, how noble, yong, how rarely featur'd.

But she would spell him backward: if faire fac'd,

She would sweare the gentleman should be her sister:

If blacke, why Nature drawing of an anticke,

Made a foule blot: if tall, a launce ill headed:

If low, an agot very vildlie cut:

If speaking, why a vane blowne with all windes:

If silent, why a blocke moued with none.

So turnes she euery man the wrong side out,

And neuer giues to Truth and Vertue, that

Which simplenesse and merit purchaseth

Much Adoe About Nothing - Friar

Fri. Heare me a little, for I haue onely bene silent so

long, and giuen way vnto this course of fortune, by noting

of the Ladie, I haue markt.

A thousand blushing apparitions,

To start into her face, a thousand innocent shames,

In Angel whitenesse beare away those blushes,

And in her eie there hath appear'd a fire

To burne the errors that these Princes hold

Against her maiden truth. Call me a foole,

Trust not my reading, nor my obseruations,

Which with experimental seale doth warrant

The tenure of my booke: trust not my age,

My reuerence, calling, nor diuinitie,

If this sweet Ladie lye not guiltlesse heere,

Vnder some biting error

Much Adoe About Nothing - Dogberry, Verges, Watch 1 & 2
Dog. Are you good men and true?
Verg. Yea, or else it were pitty but they should suffer saluation body and soule
Dogb. Nay, that were a punishment too good for them, if they should haue any allegiance in them, being chosen for the Princes watch
Verges. Well, giue them their charge, neighbour Dogbery
Dog. First, who thinke you the most desartlesse man to be Constable
Watch.1. Hugh Ote-cake sir, or George Sea-coale, for they can write and reade
Dogb. Come hither neighbour Sea-coale, God hath blest you with a good name: to be a wel-fauoured man, is the gift of Fortune, but to write and reade, comes by Nature
Watch 2. Both which Master Constable
Dogb. You haue: I knew it would be your answere: well, for your fauour sir, why giue God thankes, & make no boast of it, and for your writing and reading, let that appeare when there is no need of such vanity, you are thought heere to be the most senslesse and fit man for the Constable of the watch: therefore beare you the lanthorne: this is your charge: You shall comprehend all vagrom men, you are to bid any man stand in the Princes name
Watch 2. How if a will not stand?
Dogb. Why then take no note of him, but let him go, and presently call the rest of the Watch together, and thanke God you are ridde of a knaue
Verges. If he will not stand when he is bidden, hee is none of the Princes subiects
Dogb. True, and they are to meddle with none but the Princes subiects: you shall also make no noise in the streetes: for, for the Watch to babble and talke, is most tollerable, and not to be indured